Perfectly Imperfect

This is the year that I will celebrate 10 years of being a mom. When I look back over that time, I mean really look back- it's been the best years of my life. While on a rare date night a couple months ago, my husband and I were reminiscing about the past and asked each other what we would change and if you could choose a time to go back to what would it be... Surprisingly, we both had very simple things that we would change but after long moments of reflection and weighing each significant timeframe throughout our lives there was not one we would switch out for where we are right now. Sure it's fun to think about being a kid again or how easy and less stressful high school was, or even the newly found freedom and independence that made up most of the college years but it's no equal or greater substitute for where we are now.

Even the hard years of the early diagnosis of Adam's brain tumor, surgery and the physical therapy that he still has to do today were worth slodging through to be where we are at now, together with our family of six! We couldn't even wish away the brain tumor because that was such a pivotal point in our live and immense compounding of fear, loss but ultimately brought us face to face with God and our true dependency on His will for our lives. That humbling realization also opened our hearts and eyes to what really, REALLY mattered in life and our sweet baby Farrah is the embodiment of that joy! So nope, wouldn't even take the brain tumor away.... (well, technically we would definitely take it away if that was the one and only singular thing it changed)

There's something about that type of perspective that makes the everyday stresses of life like traffic, work, money, a messy house, never ending to-do lists and an over-extended schedule melt into the background. Things somehow fall into place when you are forced to surrender your time and energy to what really, REALLY matters.

This outlook has shaped the decisions we make as a family and how we choose to spend our time and money. There are things that we can be patient and save for and create a long term plan to achieve. But there are four very important things that will not wait- those are our children. Everyday is a day longer, another slashed day off the calendar. Our oldest will be ten this year... T-E-N!!!! And our youngest is nearly a year and a half. In that time, you better believe I have learned that time is precious and I do not have the convenience of a pause button on their precious little lives for "until"... Until I am less busy, until we have enough money, until they are potty trained, until they are older, until... on and on and on. The requests for sit down and snuggle with me, color with me, have a tea party, play catch with me will not wait "until"...

These past few years I have made a very conscious effort to manage my time the smartest way possible, knowing that these years when they are small and young will be brief. I do my best to be present and carve out work time to not interfere with their time. Though I am not always successful and some projects demand more constant attention and timelines this is my goal.

It's a constant work in progress but I feel we are finding our stride. I find my most joy in the peaceful moments of watching the kids play together, playing a family game of kickball, impromptu dance parties and sometimes just in the simple everyday life with kids. That everyday life is beautiful!

While this has always been my heart as a mom and a photographer it wasn't until my own wall gallery project (after 3 years in our "new" home) was finally complete that I realized just how powerful the images of those everyday life moments were for our children. The first few days after it was finished I would see the kids pausing when they passed the room and look at the pictures with the biggest smiles on their faces in remembering those moments or seeing themselves, their parents and siblings engaged with each other. There are still times that I do the same thing- it's truly beautiful to look back and I am so incredibly thankful that I or one of my amazingly talented friends took the time to capture it. And for the most part, those images that have become our favorites over the years are not "perfectly posed portraits" they are the in-between clicks that captures the briefest of moments some so wonderfully imperfect leading up to that one singular second.

With that in mind, I have steadily moved towards a more lifestyle approach in my photography style and mission. As a mother who rarely has images of myself with my own children, I put so much value into the precious few I have. And I got over not always looking "perfect" in them a long time ago. My children love me for me and I have seen how they look at an image with me and them together. They do not pick out my flaws or wrinkle their noses. They smile and hug me. Should there really be more to it? I am not going to get any re-dos, the only time I have is now.

The two images above are the ideal example of perfectly imperfect. They were taken by my dear friend, Jennifer who I am sooooo thankful for. Before the session even began it seemed it was doomed for failure- Micheli and Noah fell asleep in the car, woke up hungry. It was fall and pretty chilly out- the 20 mile per hour winds did not help. Cold and miserable, Noah and I were not even in the first few pictures because I was trying my best to calm him down, negotiate bribes for at least a few family photos. Micheli was not really in the mood and huddled into Adam for warmth, snuggling and retreating to find comfort in sucking her thumb from time to time. It's not the typical idea of the perfect image but I LOVE it! Then when we just decided to make the most of it and let the kids be silly, that's the image on the right and it warms my heart every time I see it!

I encourage everyone whether a new parent or very experience. Take as many pictures as you can everyday, but more importantly display them for your children to see. Embrace the imperfectness of life because when they grow that is what you will cherish most. I am still in awe that it took me so long to take my own advice but the impact is not only finally feeling like I have at least accomplished decorating one room in the house but showing our children that they are our greatest treasures and the simplest or most stressful moments together is better than any spent apart.

While every day that passes brings us closer to our purpose in life and not one should be waisted. It is also important to be able to look back with a smile to where you have been. I don't want our children to grow up too fast but I will do my best to show them that they are my biggest success and the most important reason that we work as hard as we do. The see this in our actions, hear it in our words and also see it proudly displayed in our home.

This fall I am venturing into full commitment to lifestyle sessions and I cannot be happier about sharing that same gift with other families. There is an intense beauty in everyday life within a family- it may be messy and a little chaotic but it's true life. Playing peek-a-boo, snuggling in mommy or daddy's lap reading the same book for the hundredth time, sharing a meal, even the temper tantrums, scraped knees, runny noses and pouty lips. It's all beautiful. The next feature on the blog will be the debut of the first lifestyle session that celebrates the cutest one year old, Miss Ellie. Thank you for all being a part of our journey and for letting us be a part of ours!