Keep Your Eyes on Me

I read this devotion in the driveway this morning. I had just finished the rounds of dropping all the kids off at school. My mind was already spinning with the day's tasks. As I put the car in park, on a whim decided to open up my Jesus Calling App. Before I went inside and got straight to work on my agenda for the day I thought it might be a good idea to read without distraction. So, I settled back into the drivers seat for some much needed time with God.

April 23^rd, Keep Your Eyes on Me*:

Keep your eyes on me, not only for direction but also for empowerment. I never lead you to do something without equipping you for the task. That is why it’s so important to seek My will in everything you do. There are many burned-out Christians who think more is always better, who deem it unspiritual to say no.

In order to know My will, you must spend time with Me- enjoying My Presence.  This is not an onerous task but a delightful privilege. I will show you the path of Life; in My Presence is fullness of Joy; at My right hand there are pleasures forever.

Reference verses:
But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge- do not give me over to death. – Psalm 14:18

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. –Psalm 16:11 NKJV

BAMM!

I have been busy, really busy and at times- always busy. I am a recovering workaholic that seems to fall off the bandwagon pretty often- especially lately. It seems I will do really well for a few weeks in having renewed purpose and commitment to simplify and be completely present for our kids and family. Trying my best to finish my work while they are in school. But then inevitably I will have a burst of creativity, a slew of business plans, marketing ideas, home projects, missions, editing, etc. Have you ever been so overwhelmed with planning that not only is your head spinning but it’s almost like you are paralyzed because you just do not know which step to take first? That is me.

I have come to the conclusion that this is ingrained into my DNA that no matter what I will be this “type” of person. I have to be in constant motion, it’s who I am and there are positive qualities in it that I know are good for the kids to see- creativity, strong work ethic, volunteering, honoring commitments, helping and encouraging others, dreaming and planning for the future. But there’s also limits that go along with that and I want them to know there’s a fine balance and that telling yourself  “no” is sometimes the hardest thing to do. There’s been times when I have so much crammed into a day that I have to give the kids a rain check when they ask if I can come have lunch with them at school, when I am still on the computer when they get home from the bus stop, some days I even consider taking my laptop to the ballpark so I can work while they are at practice.

Micheli asks if I can play with her and more and more my answer is “Give me just a few minutes to finish this…” which turns into a few hours. I have to surrender on a daily basis “my” goals for the day, week, etc. to cut back to a more manageable idea of realistic daily accomplishments.

Yesterday was field day at Micheli’s preschool. 

I was so torn between pushing a major deadline and not missing out on seeing her play with her class and taking some pictures. I ended up running back home for my camera and stayed all morning with her, signed her out early, met some mommy friends at McDonalds for lunch to play. We ran errands together and even did some grocery shopping. It was glorious! 

Adam completely gets the Father of the Year award for caring for baby all day without hesitation or complaint. He even successfully navigated her nap time to coincide with his conference calls. I LOVE that man! And I ended up making my deadline after all and got to spend an amazing day with Micheli. I know my days are numbered with this age and I'm determined to do everything in my power to be there for the kids for little things like this. After all, the boys will not always beg for me to have lunch with them, snuggle for movies and have tea parties with Micheli.

This morning those precious words written were like a conversation with God. Sitting there in our driveway. So simple and direct. I always pray for direction and a peace about decisions and planning. Even yesterday Micheli’s teachers prayed with me about the same things. The timing of this was just so spot on and such an amazing reminder that no matter what my plans or dreams may be the one thing I have to do every morning is to keep my eyes on Him.

Even before saving and publishing this post I came across another gentle reminder of this message in a post my friend, Karen Stott shared from an audio book she is listening to (Calm My Anxious Heart). She shared a few gems of advice that the author had found in a diary of her friend’s mother (and I'm so glad she did)…

Prescription for Contentment:

Never allow yourself to complain about anything, not even the weather.
Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
Never compare your lot with another’s.
Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
Never dwell on tomorrow. Remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours.

Wow! When I apply those to what my goals or plans are it is humbling. Suddenly, the “I wants” are not so important anymore. It’s not that I do not want to dream big, plan for a successful future or grow my business. I think that it is just a wonderful reminder of what the balance of sacrifice means for my time, stress and family when I try to do too much, too quickly. When I look back over my successes, not one came in my planning or timing- they were all God’s. 

And when I look back over what I accomplished today my heart is filled :)

*Devotion from Jesus Calling by: Sarah Young

Paying My Last Respects to Supermom (AKA, Mrs. Perfect)

A couple weeks ago many joined in celebrating International Women's Day and I read so many inspiring stories, posts and encouraging quotes circulating around social media. If anything, reading more is definitely one of the biggest perks of being a nursing momma (besides the big money savings on formula). Several echoed the same principle focus and have been really laying heavy on my heart. We as women have come so far- leaps and bounds over those first brave generations who fought for the right to work, equal pay, higher education, and the list could honestly go on forever. The sisterhood we find in each other and the strength and bravery that can result is resounding, however many times we are also our own worst enemies. We construct our own internal glass ceilings. Through the mounds of articles that filtered across my screen, a few stood out to me, but one in particular (link at the bottom).

Comparison can easily be considered the death of creativity and individualism. The grass always looks greener and the house shines from outside looking in. It's so easy to see someone, especially a beautiful, strong, successful woman and think "Wow, she's got it all together!"

And if that beautiful, successful woman happens to be a mom too...well, then she has instantly skyrocketed to "Supermom" status. She is the envy of all the desperate housewives on her block and in her newsfeed. She has the husband, the house, the car, the well behaved kids, mad cooking skills, perfect punctuality and that darn perfect hair that we all long for. We smile and wave because she's also ridiculously sweet but mumble under our breathes any fraction of something negative we can find... was that a wrinkle in her shirt, wrong shade of lipstick, a stray gray hair, her voice is too high yep-that's it??!? Geeeeze, there has to be something- ANYTHING we can find to make her seem more human, more imperfect... more like us.

And that my friends is the reality- we are all imperfect and there is absolutely no "perfect"--- fill in the blank... life, woman, child, wife, husband, boss, etc. We are human and all have the one (or two or three vices that we struggle with). Do not put anyone on a pedestal and think to yourself "if only I was more like them." It's one thing to find inspiration but another to think that you are not enough.

The author of the article focused on what a freeing experience it was to learn that a Supermom that she admired had a cleaning lady that helped around the house. What a relief it was to realize that she was not alone in being spread in a million different directions and having to choose between a clean home and sanity. Wait, there's a third option!  It's encouraging to know that through our imperfections we find common ground and come back to a place of supporting each other.

Well, I have a secret that evolved from a similar experience. And it was just as freeing once I realized the hold it had on me. I haven't shared it before except with my husband, so here it goes.

Early on in our marriage we both worked full time jobs. Household chores, laundry and keeping the house clean was a breeze for just two people. Though I am not as neat and tidy as my husband it wasn't too hard for me to find a few minutes to keep up with his OCD organization tactics and even create a few myself. Enter children into the mix and our neat and tidy world quickly crumbled- actually, imploded may be a more accurate description. I noticed more and more that my husband would be very tired and a little on edge at the end of the day or when returning home from business trips. I wish I had realized sooner rather than later that this was in direct correlation to things falling behind at home. Our weekends were spent neck deep in toilet bowls, dishes and laundry. At the time I was still working full time outside the home and honestly my tolerance for clutter and chaos was waiving it's white flag of surrender and bless his heart, he was trying to continue the fight. However we were both definitely feeling the weight of the loosing battle.

But, when I put it all together that the state of the house was the source of the mounting frustration it was a huge leap forward in our communication. Plain and simple, dis-order stressed him out. Through the years we worked together to decrease my workload outside the home until finally taking the leap of faith for me to transition into my photography business full time. I scheduled sessions and meetings around our families schedule and made it a priority to clean or at least straighten up the day he came back in town (because with kids the reality is "nice and clean" definitely will not last long). Problem solved... temporarily.

Fast forward to four kids and an equally increased sports schedule for the kids and traveling schedule for the hubs, we found ourselves right back in that same yucky situation. We both struggled to encourage each other and not let frustration take over. He understood, I understood. We were at a cross roads and then he said those words. "I think we need a cleaning service." Now, I know what you are thinking- YES!!! Let's Celebrate!!! I would throw a party if I heard that!!! But I was devastated.. All I heard in my head was "You can't handle it. It's too much for you. You failed."

I was defeated. You see, in my competitive mind I needed to be Supermom. I already had left the Corporate America workforce and the shadow of my framed MBA degree hung over me daily. I needed to somehow increase my value at home to exceed the income earning potential I left behind. I had made keeping the house in order part of my "salary" as a photographer/mom that had the perks of working from home.

I needed the "win". I had finally found my stride with my photography business, finding a happy balance with loyal clients, school portraits and a flexible schedule. I needed to be able to do it all, to keep it all together, be everything to everybody. I needed to be the entrepreneur with a successful business, the mom who volunteered, who was at the practices and games, baked the brownies, organized car pool, made lunches and along with my husband cook dinner AND kept an organized and tidy house- was that too much to ask??? Yes.

Yes it was- it was selfish. I fought him on it for a few weeks and then one day as I was on my third attempt to unload the dishes before getting distracted yet again when I laughed to myself and thought- What the heck am I fighting this for?! This is crazy!

I was liberated! It was almost the same excitement as when a good friend told me the jeans she was wearing that I complemented her on were actually leggings!!! Ahhhh, life forever changed!!!! I was the only one putting those demands on myself. Why in the world would I choose to make something harder on myself and my family than it has to be. Because of some stereotype of "perfection" I had created in my own head? Nope! So, I quit- I said good-bye to Supermom and let her go peacefully.

I realized that I do not have to be everything to everybody, that my worth was not measured in doing everything perfectly. I learned that saying "No" to some things was ok and it didn't make be a bad person for not being over-committed. All I ultimately want to do is be a good person, make sure my children know me with all my flaws and love me anyway. I want to be a great wife, mom, amazing friend and an encourager. I do not have to have my hand be the one that does it all to have it all :)

The other day as we were all in the kitchen cooking dinner together KK, our 4 year old asked to watch Alexander (and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Bad Day). We all began talking about how much we liked that movie. Hudson then said "I really like his mom, she's nice like you, Mom." And that's all I needed to hear to know that my change in perspecitive was right on point! Not only was I for a brief moment compared to Jennifer Garner (Yaay, love her!) but I was his idea of the perfect mom... not "perfect" (in the traditional sense), not "successful" or even "super-organized"... I was "nice and loving".


I am happy to report that we are quite enjoying having the help that just one day a week has given us. We still do a ton of chores together but the long weekends of laundry, dishes and cleaning floors are long gone!

There's more time with our kids for homework, sports activities and simple cuddles on Family Movie Nights. And let's not forget blogging ;)

There are a lot of words that we can use to describe [strong, inspiring, successful] women and moms. The challenge is which ones to let go of so that we can all reach our greatest potential.

I hope in sharing this that you can also be inspired to bid farewell to Supermom (AKA Mrs. Perfect). May she forever rest in peace. And for goodness sake, if your husband says "Let's get a cleaning service" don't hesitate! And to my husband, Thanks, babe!!! I'll take that over flowers and chocolate any day!


xoxo!

Link to article referenced above:
The statement that changed my life forever.