Perfectly Imperfect

This is the year that I will celebrate 10 years of being a mom. When I look back over that time, I mean really look back- it's been the best years of my life. While on a rare date night a couple months ago, my husband and I were reminiscing about the past and asked each other what we would change and if you could choose a time to go back to what would it be... Surprisingly, we both had very simple things that we would change but after long moments of reflection and weighing each significant timeframe throughout our lives there was not one we would switch out for where we are right now. Sure it's fun to think about being a kid again or how easy and less stressful high school was, or even the newly found freedom and independence that made up most of the college years but it's no equal or greater substitute for where we are now.

Even the hard years of the early diagnosis of Adam's brain tumor, surgery and the physical therapy that he still has to do today were worth slodging through to be where we are at now, together with our family of six! We couldn't even wish away the brain tumor because that was such a pivotal point in our live and immense compounding of fear, loss but ultimately brought us face to face with God and our true dependency on His will for our lives. That humbling realization also opened our hearts and eyes to what really, REALLY mattered in life and our sweet baby Farrah is the embodiment of that joy! So nope, wouldn't even take the brain tumor away.... (well, technically we would definitely take it away if that was the one and only singular thing it changed)

There's something about that type of perspective that makes the everyday stresses of life like traffic, work, money, a messy house, never ending to-do lists and an over-extended schedule melt into the background. Things somehow fall into place when you are forced to surrender your time and energy to what really, REALLY matters.

This outlook has shaped the decisions we make as a family and how we choose to spend our time and money. There are things that we can be patient and save for and create a long term plan to achieve. But there are four very important things that will not wait- those are our children. Everyday is a day longer, another slashed day off the calendar. Our oldest will be ten this year... T-E-N!!!! And our youngest is nearly a year and a half. In that time, you better believe I have learned that time is precious and I do not have the convenience of a pause button on their precious little lives for "until"... Until I am less busy, until we have enough money, until they are potty trained, until they are older, until... on and on and on. The requests for sit down and snuggle with me, color with me, have a tea party, play catch with me will not wait "until"...

These past few years I have made a very conscious effort to manage my time the smartest way possible, knowing that these years when they are small and young will be brief. I do my best to be present and carve out work time to not interfere with their time. Though I am not always successful and some projects demand more constant attention and timelines this is my goal.

It's a constant work in progress but I feel we are finding our stride. I find my most joy in the peaceful moments of watching the kids play together, playing a family game of kickball, impromptu dance parties and sometimes just in the simple everyday life with kids. That everyday life is beautiful!

While this has always been my heart as a mom and a photographer it wasn't until my own wall gallery project (after 3 years in our "new" home) was finally complete that I realized just how powerful the images of those everyday life moments were for our children. The first few days after it was finished I would see the kids pausing when they passed the room and look at the pictures with the biggest smiles on their faces in remembering those moments or seeing themselves, their parents and siblings engaged with each other. There are still times that I do the same thing- it's truly beautiful to look back and I am so incredibly thankful that I or one of my amazingly talented friends took the time to capture it. And for the most part, those images that have become our favorites over the years are not "perfectly posed portraits" they are the in-between clicks that captures the briefest of moments some so wonderfully imperfect leading up to that one singular second.

With that in mind, I have steadily moved towards a more lifestyle approach in my photography style and mission. As a mother who rarely has images of myself with my own children, I put so much value into the precious few I have. And I got over not always looking "perfect" in them a long time ago. My children love me for me and I have seen how they look at an image with me and them together. They do not pick out my flaws or wrinkle their noses. They smile and hug me. Should there really be more to it? I am not going to get any re-dos, the only time I have is now.

The two images above are the ideal example of perfectly imperfect. They were taken by my dear friend, Jennifer who I am sooooo thankful for. Before the session even began it seemed it was doomed for failure- Micheli and Noah fell asleep in the car, woke up hungry. It was fall and pretty chilly out- the 20 mile per hour winds did not help. Cold and miserable, Noah and I were not even in the first few pictures because I was trying my best to calm him down, negotiate bribes for at least a few family photos. Micheli was not really in the mood and huddled into Adam for warmth, snuggling and retreating to find comfort in sucking her thumb from time to time. It's not the typical idea of the perfect image but I LOVE it! Then when we just decided to make the most of it and let the kids be silly, that's the image on the right and it warms my heart every time I see it!

I encourage everyone whether a new parent or very experience. Take as many pictures as you can everyday, but more importantly display them for your children to see. Embrace the imperfectness of life because when they grow that is what you will cherish most. I am still in awe that it took me so long to take my own advice but the impact is not only finally feeling like I have at least accomplished decorating one room in the house but showing our children that they are our greatest treasures and the simplest or most stressful moments together is better than any spent apart.

While every day that passes brings us closer to our purpose in life and not one should be waisted. It is also important to be able to look back with a smile to where you have been. I don't want our children to grow up too fast but I will do my best to show them that they are my biggest success and the most important reason that we work as hard as we do. The see this in our actions, hear it in our words and also see it proudly displayed in our home.

This fall I am venturing into full commitment to lifestyle sessions and I cannot be happier about sharing that same gift with other families. There is an intense beauty in everyday life within a family- it may be messy and a little chaotic but it's true life. Playing peek-a-boo, snuggling in mommy or daddy's lap reading the same book for the hundredth time, sharing a meal, even the temper tantrums, scraped knees, runny noses and pouty lips. It's all beautiful. The next feature on the blog will be the debut of the first lifestyle session that celebrates the cutest one year old, Miss Ellie. Thank you for all being a part of our journey and for letting us be a part of ours!

Fortune Favors The Prepared

When my Dad was teaching me how to drive, the biggest thing he wanted me to know was to always be aware of my surroundings, other drivers and what was coming ahead- on both sides of the highway. In short he wanted me to focus on being a more defensive driver and always on alert, looking beyond just the car right in front of me. I will be the first to admit that when it comes to driving that I am geographically challenged- I may not know when I am always heading North, South, East or West and may get lost from time to time in unfamiliar territory but somehow I do  notice what is going on around me and am always going over scenarios in the back of my brain about what I would do "if". And with most of my driving with kids in the car I am on heightened alert to where they are sitting in the car and which direction would be my "go-to" if something were to happen. Though I pray with ALL my heart that we will never be in any situation where those type of maneuvers will have to take place, I am at least thankful that with some type of pre-planning we may at least have a chance if it comes down to it. And at least having a plan is better than nothing.

That is the same line of thinking that I have for a lot of things and while not everything in life always goes with a plan per-say, I feel better and a lot less stressed when there is at least some type of plan in place. This can be in our day to day family life, my to-do list(s), ball schedules, meetings, chores, etc. all revolve around planning.

One thing that I have not yet had a chance to set aside some time to put together a good solid plan for is assault prevention. Yeah, that may seem like it's completely out of left field but in all honestly do most instances get a warning before it happens- nope! Like defensive driving, I have ran some scenarios in my head when I am running errands and it's just me and the kids... what if this or what if that... but all end in my biggest defense being to push the alam button on my keyring and hoping that it's enough of a distraction or gains attention from others in a parking lot... that's all I've got (well, that and my Dad did also teach me how to hold my keys between my knuckles if I needed to get physical). I know many of us as mothers feel the most vulnerable when strapping our kids into the car- at least I do. My back is turned, both hands are busy, mentally my focus is on the kids, buckling them up and getting the heck out of there and onto the next activity. And if you add in an upset, crying baby or bickering kids into the mix you can certainly say goodbye to quick thinking reactions. I would feel much better being prepared and even knowing how to talk to the kids about what they would need to do also, because they would definitely have to have a clear plan of action as well.

That's why I am really looking forward to a course my friend is offering for assault prevention. I am so excited about it that I wanted to share the flyer, date and any other information in the hopes that other women, moms and even teens can attend or at least start the conversation.

The fact is that it is a reality that we do need to be prepared for. Unfortunately, I have been in a few unexpected emergency situations (non-violent, thank goodness) and my knee-jerk reaction is to "freeze". I am paralyzed with panic and can not focus on one single action to even start an inkling of an idea of what to do next. This was what happened to me when Adam had his first seizure. But, I became educated and the second time we had a plan and I was much more calm with having steps and the knowledge of what to do next. In no way shape or form was it a pleasurable process but I definitely did not regress to "freak-out mode".

We talk to the kids all the time about "stranger danger" to prepare them for what actions they could take if faced with various situations. I look at this as the same opportunity but for adults.

Here is a quick little intro from my friends at Operation 21 who will be leading the class:

   "With crime and victimization of friends and loved ones on the rise, allow our highly trained staff with over 40 years of law enforcement experience help prepare you for life's unexpected moments. Not only will you learn about the laws of what you can do and not do, but also techniques on how to gain separation from an attacker. Lunch is included, vendors will be on site to discuss safety items that can assist in the prevention and defense of your property and loved ones."

I jokingly asked him if he was going to teach me to take someone out with my thumb and he laughed and said no but it will focus on gaining distance and separation, which to me sounds just fine! I honestly would not know what to do in a physical confrontation- I like to think that my inner Wonder Woman would sub-consciously take over and all those times I watched Noah's Karate lessons would automatically upload into my brain and I would kick some serious @$$, the reality of that happening may not be in my favor...so the quicker I get out of there the better it would be for everyone involved. Proceeds from the course will benefit Forsyth Family Haven so that's even one more reason I am excited to attend. If you would like to join me on May 16th from 9am-2pm please register online at OPERATION21.com. They are also on Facebook so please be sure to {click here} and like their page for updates and more information on this and future courses.

Keep Your Eyes on Me

I read this devotion in the driveway this morning. I had just finished the rounds of dropping all the kids off at school. My mind was already spinning with the day's tasks. As I put the car in park, on a whim decided to open up my Jesus Calling App. Before I went inside and got straight to work on my agenda for the day I thought it might be a good idea to read without distraction. So, I settled back into the drivers seat for some much needed time with God.

April 23^rd, Keep Your Eyes on Me*:

Keep your eyes on me, not only for direction but also for empowerment. I never lead you to do something without equipping you for the task. That is why it’s so important to seek My will in everything you do. There are many burned-out Christians who think more is always better, who deem it unspiritual to say no.

In order to know My will, you must spend time with Me- enjoying My Presence.  This is not an onerous task but a delightful privilege. I will show you the path of Life; in My Presence is fullness of Joy; at My right hand there are pleasures forever.

Reference verses:
But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge- do not give me over to death. – Psalm 14:18

You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. –Psalm 16:11 NKJV

BAMM!

I have been busy, really busy and at times- always busy. I am a recovering workaholic that seems to fall off the bandwagon pretty often- especially lately. It seems I will do really well for a few weeks in having renewed purpose and commitment to simplify and be completely present for our kids and family. Trying my best to finish my work while they are in school. But then inevitably I will have a burst of creativity, a slew of business plans, marketing ideas, home projects, missions, editing, etc. Have you ever been so overwhelmed with planning that not only is your head spinning but it’s almost like you are paralyzed because you just do not know which step to take first? That is me.

I have come to the conclusion that this is ingrained into my DNA that no matter what I will be this “type” of person. I have to be in constant motion, it’s who I am and there are positive qualities in it that I know are good for the kids to see- creativity, strong work ethic, volunteering, honoring commitments, helping and encouraging others, dreaming and planning for the future. But there’s also limits that go along with that and I want them to know there’s a fine balance and that telling yourself  “no” is sometimes the hardest thing to do. There’s been times when I have so much crammed into a day that I have to give the kids a rain check when they ask if I can come have lunch with them at school, when I am still on the computer when they get home from the bus stop, some days I even consider taking my laptop to the ballpark so I can work while they are at practice.

Micheli asks if I can play with her and more and more my answer is “Give me just a few minutes to finish this…” which turns into a few hours. I have to surrender on a daily basis “my” goals for the day, week, etc. to cut back to a more manageable idea of realistic daily accomplishments.

Yesterday was field day at Micheli’s preschool. 

I was so torn between pushing a major deadline and not missing out on seeing her play with her class and taking some pictures. I ended up running back home for my camera and stayed all morning with her, signed her out early, met some mommy friends at McDonalds for lunch to play. We ran errands together and even did some grocery shopping. It was glorious! 

Adam completely gets the Father of the Year award for caring for baby all day without hesitation or complaint. He even successfully navigated her nap time to coincide with his conference calls. I LOVE that man! And I ended up making my deadline after all and got to spend an amazing day with Micheli. I know my days are numbered with this age and I'm determined to do everything in my power to be there for the kids for little things like this. After all, the boys will not always beg for me to have lunch with them, snuggle for movies and have tea parties with Micheli.

This morning those precious words written were like a conversation with God. Sitting there in our driveway. So simple and direct. I always pray for direction and a peace about decisions and planning. Even yesterday Micheli’s teachers prayed with me about the same things. The timing of this was just so spot on and such an amazing reminder that no matter what my plans or dreams may be the one thing I have to do every morning is to keep my eyes on Him.

Even before saving and publishing this post I came across another gentle reminder of this message in a post my friend, Karen Stott shared from an audio book she is listening to (Calm My Anxious Heart). She shared a few gems of advice that the author had found in a diary of her friend’s mother (and I'm so glad she did)…

Prescription for Contentment:

Never allow yourself to complain about anything, not even the weather.
Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
Never compare your lot with another’s.
Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
Never dwell on tomorrow. Remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours.

Wow! When I apply those to what my goals or plans are it is humbling. Suddenly, the “I wants” are not so important anymore. It’s not that I do not want to dream big, plan for a successful future or grow my business. I think that it is just a wonderful reminder of what the balance of sacrifice means for my time, stress and family when I try to do too much, too quickly. When I look back over my successes, not one came in my planning or timing- they were all God’s. 

And when I look back over what I accomplished today my heart is filled :)

*Devotion from Jesus Calling by: Sarah Young

Paying My Last Respects to Supermom (AKA, Mrs. Perfect)

A couple weeks ago many joined in celebrating International Women's Day and I read so many inspiring stories, posts and encouraging quotes circulating around social media. If anything, reading more is definitely one of the biggest perks of being a nursing momma (besides the big money savings on formula). Several echoed the same principle focus and have been really laying heavy on my heart. We as women have come so far- leaps and bounds over those first brave generations who fought for the right to work, equal pay, higher education, and the list could honestly go on forever. The sisterhood we find in each other and the strength and bravery that can result is resounding, however many times we are also our own worst enemies. We construct our own internal glass ceilings. Through the mounds of articles that filtered across my screen, a few stood out to me, but one in particular (link at the bottom).

Comparison can easily be considered the death of creativity and individualism. The grass always looks greener and the house shines from outside looking in. It's so easy to see someone, especially a beautiful, strong, successful woman and think "Wow, she's got it all together!"

And if that beautiful, successful woman happens to be a mom too...well, then she has instantly skyrocketed to "Supermom" status. She is the envy of all the desperate housewives on her block and in her newsfeed. She has the husband, the house, the car, the well behaved kids, mad cooking skills, perfect punctuality and that darn perfect hair that we all long for. We smile and wave because she's also ridiculously sweet but mumble under our breathes any fraction of something negative we can find... was that a wrinkle in her shirt, wrong shade of lipstick, a stray gray hair, her voice is too high yep-that's it??!? Geeeeze, there has to be something- ANYTHING we can find to make her seem more human, more imperfect... more like us.

And that my friends is the reality- we are all imperfect and there is absolutely no "perfect"--- fill in the blank... life, woman, child, wife, husband, boss, etc. We are human and all have the one (or two or three vices that we struggle with). Do not put anyone on a pedestal and think to yourself "if only I was more like them." It's one thing to find inspiration but another to think that you are not enough.

The author of the article focused on what a freeing experience it was to learn that a Supermom that she admired had a cleaning lady that helped around the house. What a relief it was to realize that she was not alone in being spread in a million different directions and having to choose between a clean home and sanity. Wait, there's a third option!  It's encouraging to know that through our imperfections we find common ground and come back to a place of supporting each other.

Well, I have a secret that evolved from a similar experience. And it was just as freeing once I realized the hold it had on me. I haven't shared it before except with my husband, so here it goes.

Early on in our marriage we both worked full time jobs. Household chores, laundry and keeping the house clean was a breeze for just two people. Though I am not as neat and tidy as my husband it wasn't too hard for me to find a few minutes to keep up with his OCD organization tactics and even create a few myself. Enter children into the mix and our neat and tidy world quickly crumbled- actually, imploded may be a more accurate description. I noticed more and more that my husband would be very tired and a little on edge at the end of the day or when returning home from business trips. I wish I had realized sooner rather than later that this was in direct correlation to things falling behind at home. Our weekends were spent neck deep in toilet bowls, dishes and laundry. At the time I was still working full time outside the home and honestly my tolerance for clutter and chaos was waiving it's white flag of surrender and bless his heart, he was trying to continue the fight. However we were both definitely feeling the weight of the loosing battle.

But, when I put it all together that the state of the house was the source of the mounting frustration it was a huge leap forward in our communication. Plain and simple, dis-order stressed him out. Through the years we worked together to decrease my workload outside the home until finally taking the leap of faith for me to transition into my photography business full time. I scheduled sessions and meetings around our families schedule and made it a priority to clean or at least straighten up the day he came back in town (because with kids the reality is "nice and clean" definitely will not last long). Problem solved... temporarily.

Fast forward to four kids and an equally increased sports schedule for the kids and traveling schedule for the hubs, we found ourselves right back in that same yucky situation. We both struggled to encourage each other and not let frustration take over. He understood, I understood. We were at a cross roads and then he said those words. "I think we need a cleaning service." Now, I know what you are thinking- YES!!! Let's Celebrate!!! I would throw a party if I heard that!!! But I was devastated.. All I heard in my head was "You can't handle it. It's too much for you. You failed."

I was defeated. You see, in my competitive mind I needed to be Supermom. I already had left the Corporate America workforce and the shadow of my framed MBA degree hung over me daily. I needed to somehow increase my value at home to exceed the income earning potential I left behind. I had made keeping the house in order part of my "salary" as a photographer/mom that had the perks of working from home.

I needed the "win". I had finally found my stride with my photography business, finding a happy balance with loyal clients, school portraits and a flexible schedule. I needed to be able to do it all, to keep it all together, be everything to everybody. I needed to be the entrepreneur with a successful business, the mom who volunteered, who was at the practices and games, baked the brownies, organized car pool, made lunches and along with my husband cook dinner AND kept an organized and tidy house- was that too much to ask??? Yes.

Yes it was- it was selfish. I fought him on it for a few weeks and then one day as I was on my third attempt to unload the dishes before getting distracted yet again when I laughed to myself and thought- What the heck am I fighting this for?! This is crazy!

I was liberated! It was almost the same excitement as when a good friend told me the jeans she was wearing that I complemented her on were actually leggings!!! Ahhhh, life forever changed!!!! I was the only one putting those demands on myself. Why in the world would I choose to make something harder on myself and my family than it has to be. Because of some stereotype of "perfection" I had created in my own head? Nope! So, I quit- I said good-bye to Supermom and let her go peacefully.

I realized that I do not have to be everything to everybody, that my worth was not measured in doing everything perfectly. I learned that saying "No" to some things was ok and it didn't make be a bad person for not being over-committed. All I ultimately want to do is be a good person, make sure my children know me with all my flaws and love me anyway. I want to be a great wife, mom, amazing friend and an encourager. I do not have to have my hand be the one that does it all to have it all :)

The other day as we were all in the kitchen cooking dinner together KK, our 4 year old asked to watch Alexander (and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Bad Day). We all began talking about how much we liked that movie. Hudson then said "I really like his mom, she's nice like you, Mom." And that's all I needed to hear to know that my change in perspecitive was right on point! Not only was I for a brief moment compared to Jennifer Garner (Yaay, love her!) but I was his idea of the perfect mom... not "perfect" (in the traditional sense), not "successful" or even "super-organized"... I was "nice and loving".


I am happy to report that we are quite enjoying having the help that just one day a week has given us. We still do a ton of chores together but the long weekends of laundry, dishes and cleaning floors are long gone!

There's more time with our kids for homework, sports activities and simple cuddles on Family Movie Nights. And let's not forget blogging ;)

There are a lot of words that we can use to describe [strong, inspiring, successful] women and moms. The challenge is which ones to let go of so that we can all reach our greatest potential.

I hope in sharing this that you can also be inspired to bid farewell to Supermom (AKA Mrs. Perfect). May she forever rest in peace. And for goodness sake, if your husband says "Let's get a cleaning service" don't hesitate! And to my husband, Thanks, babe!!! I'll take that over flowers and chocolate any day!


xoxo!

Link to article referenced above:
The statement that changed my life forever.

Wow, It's been a while!

I can hardly believe how long it has been since I blogged- it's honestly embarrassing! I would be lying if I said I have not missed it. Not because what I have to say holds any significant value, but it's nice to have an outlet of creative expression and ultimately my heart is to encourage others. Alas, life just gets crazy sometimes and certain things have to be set aside to focus on the most precious and important things.

Writing is a huge outlet for me and one that I have forsaken over the past years to just keep my head above water with everything going on. I made myself a promise that this year I would get back into the swing of things. We are in such a good place with our family and the time is right to share many of the changes and life lessons that we have encountered over the years- I am so darn excited to even begin with this simple post!

Thank you all to our family and friends who have prayed for our family- who continue to support us in such a wonderful way and also to all my clients who kept me busy- we LOVE you!

Hudson will be 10 (TEN!) this year and our youngest will be turning one year old soon! I blinked and KK all of the sudden was in Pre-K and Noah sprang into such a sweet (almost) 8 year old! Adam's recovery continues to make extremely positive strides and I have found amazing peace in the balance of being a wife, mother and small business owner. Learning to embrace the seasons of life that God places us in and that it's ok to let go of the things that are weighing us down has been SO incredible. It may sound silly but I think I know what it feels like to finally "grow up"- to be confident and comfortable in my own skin ;)


xoxo and please stay tuned for so much more to come!

...and because all posts are better with a picture- here's one of my all time faves of our 4 kiddos :)

One In a Million!

I am sure you have heard of it- it's one of the leading household products that "live in the basements, garages and under the sinks of America and around the world". It has over 2,000 documented uses and counting...

But, perhaps what you did not know is what an unbelievably value centered and family-oriented company that it is. Not to mention it's made up of some of the most genuinely thoughtful employees on the face of this earth! Our personal connection with WD-40 began when Hudson (our oldest) was just a newborn. It's staggering to see where this past nearly eight years has brought us! From day one we were welcomed with open arms and Adam was taken under the wing of so many great mentors.

After two children, moving out of state,  the life changing discovery of Adam's brain tumor and subsequent surgery, they are family to us! Through everything we have been through these past couple of years I can not even imagine how different it could have been without the love and support of our WD-40 family!

Over the years, Adam has enjoyed working on so many great campaigns with WD-40, especially the ones that are extremely close to his heart like the military tributes and limited edition cans. His Dad served in the US Navy and that means so very much to Adam and our family. But, little did we know that a very special group of angels were working on a campaign of their very own just for Adam!

Many of you have been with us every step of the way and lifted us up in prayers, sent cards,  encouraging words and so much more. All through Adam's diagnosis, research, surgery and recovery we have tried our best to keep everyone updated on his progress- which is still going amazingly well, by the way :)

The latest development in his physical therapy opened a door to discovering a very unique device that could completely change Adam's daily life and awaken nerves in his arm, wrist and hand that he hasn't been able to get complete communication with for nearly a year and a half of therapy. Immediately we began praying, researching further and communicating with the company (Bioness) and our insurance. The track record of the device was mind blowing (and so was the $7,000+ price tag). But, soon it became all Adam talked about.  We all thought "YES!!! Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

But, unfortunately, there were road blocks with the insurance- it's such a new technology that it is still considered "experimental" and as such, our insurance doesn't cover it, not even partially- Now, believe me we are certainly pushing back with letters from Adam's doctors, therapists, etc. but had also ultimately came to a decision that no matter what we would get him that device, regardless on whether the insurance covered some or not a single penny of the expense. He is worth it and so much more!

At that, we both began praying about our finances- cutting out where we could, saving here and there, I print coupons like crazy and started earmarking any photography sessions and orders that came in specifically for Adam's new arm device. God is unbelievably faithful and we started making progress towards our goals. Adam, always the negotiator began negotiating terms and a purchase price for a used (refurbished) Bioness unit while we were also pushing every available option for an exception for at least partial coverage with insurance. We were covering every angle.

And then, out of the blue we receive a card in the mail from a group of Adam's co-workers at WD-40, who had taken up a collection for him to be able to purchase the Bioness unit- and not just a re-furbished one, but a brand spanking new unit all to his own!!!! And they didn't stop there- they even did their own negotiating with Bioness and got them down another $700 on the price of a new unit.

When Adam told me, I was speechless, stunned and completely humbled to see such pure generosity!!! I cried. I still sit quietly and try to wrap my mind around it, knowing that Adam will have more use of his left hand soon. I can't wait to see him doing more of the things he loves again in more of a comfortable routine- cooking, playing ball with the kids, golf...basketball, and maybe even one day soon running again!

I am still in awe of how God can work so delicately and perfectly when we just completely surrender to His will. I am so unbelievably thankful for such a precious company like WD-40 and even more so for the friends there who love us like family. I could never ever express in words just how much this wonderful blessing means to our family- and to Adam.

Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart. We love you all so very, very much!!! You are all one in a million and are such an example of true compassion, generosity and love! To everyone in California and beyond who contributed in each and every way- big and small. Please know that there is a family in Georgia whose lives you have completely changed forever and are soooooooooooo thankful for you!!!! WD-40 has ultimately added a few more uses to their list of unlimited uses- inspiring hope, loving like family and paying it forward.

xoxo,
The Browns

...and, I thought this verse was absolutely perfect on the heels of this wonderful blessing- thank you for lifting us up!!!

Something Special about 12-12-12

Today's date is all the rage today...12-12-12 In itself it is pretty special- it does only happen once in a millennia you know. But, there's another reason it's VERY special- one that will always be with us and worth celebrating year after year.

One year ago today I sat in a family waiting area at Duke University Hospital in Durham, as Adam was undergoing brain surgery. Clutching onto my extremely worn collection of bible verses to pray as we waited. Surrounded by family and friends that could be there with us- and definitely feeling the thoughts and prayers of many who could not, I felt at peace and knew God was in control. And to be completely honest that in itself was a miracle. I had been so full of fear, doubt and worry every since Adam made the decision to go ahead with surgery. I can not put into words what it really feels like to have God lift that burden off your shoulders- I am still in awe!

The surgery overall was much more successful than the doctors had anticipated- they removed a significant amount more of the tumor than they thought would be possible. But, that came at a cost. Adam woke without the use of his left side and from what was to originally be two days of recovery in the hospital turned into well over 10 days followed by another month + of inpatient rehabilitation therapy. We celebrated Christmas last year in the small family apartment at North Georgia Medical Center- though it was phenomenal and every bit as special for us all to be together, it was not home.

This year we are home for Christmas and the joy in my heart is overwhelming. In this past year Adam has grown stronger in every sense of the word. He came home in a wheelchair with very limited movement in his left arm, hand and fingers...and with very little strength in his legs. His left leg could barely stand for more than 5 minutes without shaking from exertion. Nearly one month to the day- Adam had his wheelchair waiting on the front porch for the rental company to pick back up.

It's that spirit of determination that he has carried every day since and his physical strength has made steady progress. He can now walk with an almost unnoticeable limp, chase the kids (thought it's not a pretty site- ha!), wrap his arms around me for a hug and every now and then dance with me when no one is watching (but, you can't tell him I told you that). He even recently beat my little sister in an arm wrestling contest! He consistently impresses his therapists with his progress and loves to show off his new tricks. I have no doubt that he will only continue to gain more control and mobility.

And even if he doesn't that's ok. Our marriage and friendship is stronger because of this and we are still in awe of the rally of support our family received from family, friends, loved ones and perfect strangers throughout this past year.  Our faith is stronger than ever and we feel so grateful to have experienced this with knowing God was and IS carrying us through- we welcome the opportunity to share what God is doing in our lives and live with a much clearer vision of the bigger picture and of what life is truly all about. Clearly, God has a plan for him no matter what (and we are just along for the journey).

We are sooooooo very happy and thankful for our love, family, health, innumerable blessings and to be able to celebrate a year of successful recovery- and especially to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus at home this year!

Thank you all for your prayers for our family over this past year, you really made a difference with each word lifted up! And thank you also to those who continue to pray for us and Adam's continued recovery- it is truly amazing to see how very far he has come!

xoxo :)

Below is our year in review via Instagram (this I have to thank my good friend Lan Bui who encouraged me to document this time for Adam- no matter how much I did not want to). He was definitely right, how awesome it is to look back and see how far he has come! Thanks Lan ;)

The Hartley Family

I am so excited to share these precious images from one of my favorite families. Clay, Adam (my hubby) and I grew up together in our little ole' small town with one red-light where everyone knew everyone and you better believe any news would make it back to your momma before you even stepped a foot off the bus- yes, it was that small of a town, ha!

We played sports together and still have our family cookouts whenever we can all get our schedules in sync. Friends like these I am forever thankful for!

It goes without saying that his three beautiful girls (well, four including their lovely momma) were the stars of the day- each so individual and with their own very unique personalities :)

But, honestly baby brother wasn't too far behind them- though he was finishing his nap at the beginning of the session, he was ready to go with those sweet chubby cheeks and bright eyes when it came time for his turn. I LOVE this image of him and Crystal- she has the prettiest smile!

Just had to include a couple with Daddy's cowboy hat- just for fun! The last picture always gets the biggest smiles from the kids....hummm, could it be the ice cream trip that was coming up next :)

and of course some of the girls just being girls...

Love you all to pieces Hartley Family!!! 

xoxo, 

The Brown's :)

The Wright Family

This session is very, VERY special and will always have a place in my heart. Kristina and her family are such an inspiration in every way- Brace yourself, this will be a looooooong post- so sit back, grab a drink and a snuggly blanket and get comfortable :)



Kristina is one of those walking miracles that I count myself so lucky to have touched my life. She is one more example of God’s hand in working for His glory. I can remember it like it was yesterday, A simple phone call to my sister-in-law led to such an unexpected blessing! When Shay shared Kristina’s story with me, we were both crying with one another. Shay wanted to book a session for them as a surprise, I told her I would be thrilled but insisted it must be a gift, no payment was necessary.  I believe in my heart that God blessed me with a passion and talent for photography and I will always pay that forward in using my gifts to bless others.

I was totally blown away with Kristina’s story and so in awe of how God chose to work. When I was little and first learning about Jesus and God, I was so enthralled with the miracles that Jesus preformed. Growing up I always wondered why I could not see a blind man healed, the deathly sick reformed with just a touch of His robe- I was honestly a little jealous of the disciples for getting all that first hand experience. But, then Jesus carried us through this past year with everything that happened with Adam, his surgery and his ongoing recovery. Adam is my own miracle and now so soon after to hear of such another great work that God has done with Kristina, I was just over the moon!!!

So, at this point you may be thinking- well, what in the world was going on….details PLEASE!!! In short, it was another fabulous miracle that only our God can coordinate and I truly am so thankful to have shared just a small part of Kristina’s amazing summer when I had the honor of photographing their family on our visit to Arkansas. But, of course there’s much more to the story…

In late 2010, Kristina was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of primary vaginal cancer, called Vaginal Adenocarcinoma. After over 15 gynecology oncologists reviewed her case initial treatment plans were begun January of 2011. Thus began the long list of surgeries, chemotherapy, external beam radiation and internal radiation. All of which are grueling and exhausting for any person, but Kristina is also a wife and mother so I can only imagine how the family as a whole was mentally and physically exhausted. Yet, through it all she remained faithful and positive.

Check ups continued every 3 months and to her and her doctor’s delight for the remainder of 2011, Kristina was deemed cancer free! However, in February of 2012 the test results showed abnormal glandular cells once again. After meeting with the tumor board the doctors believed Kristina's only cure to be a Total Pelvic Exoneration. A procedure so seldom required, even a huge institution such as MD Anderson only performed 12 of these radical surgeries per year. As most of us would do, Kristina sought second opinions and dove into the research for any hope of other alternatives, finally though she had to chose to move forward with the radical and deformative surgery on June 5, 2012.

Ten hours from home, an estimated 2 weeks in ICU recovery and a month stay in Houston well in her future. Kristina started her day of surgery with 8 IVs, a tube in her neck for a blood transfusion, an epidural and full anesthetic. She was was completely prepped for surgery and had the best surgical team at MD Anderson had to offer at her side. All would have been a normal day in surgery for these doctors, but through her mother's unwavering encouragement, Kristina had one last special request. She asked for one last biopsy before the entire procedure was completely put into motion.

The doctor's deemed this very unnecessary, but ultimately agreed. Kristina knew that there were tons of people and family members fasting and praying for her, She knew that if God chose to, He could heal her. Her faith and peace of mind through this entire endeavor is so inspiring and a humbling reminder that we rest completely in His loving hands.

Amazingly, the small biopsy of the sample came back negative for cancer. When the pathologist couldn't find traces of cancer, the surgeon took a larger biopsy. Still, no cancer. The surgeon then did a full upper vaginectomy removing a larger amount of tissue and glands knowing there had been cancer there on prior biopsies. AND Still no invasive cancer!!!

After working relentlessly for 5 hours, calling in the head of pathology to assist, the rest of the surgery was completely aborted!!! Kristina received her miracle from God and got to spend an unexpected summer at home with her husband and children.

 They all could not have been more excited and thankful in every way imaginable. Billy and the kids reminded me so much of the strength of our family that not to long ago rallied around Adam for his surgery. WOW, what a BLESSING this family was to ours- God is so, so, SO good and I am so thankful for each and every little and BIG miracle that He shares with me daily!

So, now you know why Kristina and her family are so VERY special to me and what these images really represent! I can't help but smile every time I look at these images of this precious family :)


This family session was SOOOO much more than preserving the family and kids at this stage in their lives- it was a C E L E B R A T I O N of life, it's many blessings...


...the simple things like spending time together, laughing, hugging and just being ALIVE with JOY in our hearts!!!


Thank you so much Kristina for sharing your story, your courage and your sweet family, you are ALL such an amazing blessing! xoxo :)



Kristina has kept a blog of her journey and shares much more faith and detail of her diagnosis, treatment and recovery, Please visit her blog and while you are there send some kind words and prayers her way ☺ http://restingreenmeadows.blogspot.com/

Update on Riley {Praise The Lord!}

I can barely contain my relief and pure joy as I write this update- I feel like I have been holding my breathe and can finally exhale...

April called just a few minutes ago with news from the CTscan and the news is phenomenal! Riley actually has an extremely rare and abnormal gap in his neck. The section of concern that appeared on the x-ray was an elongated gap between the vertebrae that is double the size of most children Riley's age. This in turn, appears to be a positive attribute for children as active as Riley- where he has more space than most to protect himself from neck injuries.

All I can say is WOW! Thank you for your prayers and lifting Riley up. It feels so wonderful that in the face of seemingly impending surgery and a chance of not playing sports ever again to a revelation that Riley is perfectly healthy and even a bit more protected than it seemed is just another awesome example of laying it in God's hands.

In fact, the doctors said that it is extremely fortunate that the initial x-ray was done so now there will always be a permanent record if any future injury does occur. They said that this particular abnormality would have always raised flags for Riley in any x-ray because of the 2-D interpretation of the image. Thank God for modern medicine, technology and the professionals who have been called to serve in this field. And also thank God for good friends who follow their instincts, even on a simple whim!

And most of all thank ALL of YOU who were with us today through your kind words, phone calls and prayers! I feel after all we have been through that I am so proud of my complete faith to just lay it all on God and trust in His will. I am a worrier by nature and usually in no minor definition of the words "freak out" first to only then calm down and hand it to God but in this instance prayer was my only and number one answer- AMEN!

Again, Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU!
God Bless and I hope you all have a fantastic week, xoxo!!!

More technical explanation directly from my sister:
The CT scan showed his pedicle bone in the neck is larger than normal- which makes it look like a fracture on an 
X-Ray. I was told by my favorite Dr. (Mersberger) that this is just good genes.

Prayer Warriors Needed {for Riley}

Dear Friends,

This is an open letter to you all begging for your thoughts and prayers for my sweet nephew Riley over the next few days, weeks and months to come. This morning my sister called with the news of finding a neck fracture from an x-ray. Currently we are waiting for an appointment time today for a CATscan to learn more details and a future plan of action. Unfortunately, that is all we know at the moment and somehow that is enough- already we see God's hand over Riley as the x-ray that revealed the fracture was done on a complete whim from the doctor and good friend of the family. There was absolutely no hint or suspicion, Riley simply was in for a sports physical appointment and the doctor was running an x-ray on her own son and decided to run one on Riley as well... There has been no pain, injury in his neck or anything that would have raised any even minor need for an x-ray.

As a family, the events of last year with Adam's seizure which revealed his brain tumor, his surgery and even now through his physical therapy recovery; we know that God has been with us all every step of the way- carrying us much of the time through the most agonizingly fearful moments. Moments where I personally had absolutely nothing else to lean on but my faith in His love, promises and the sacrifice that He had already made for us. It was through that faith and the dedicated prayers or friends, family and complete strangers that was and is still with us now.

That same faith is leading us as we embark on this new path with Riley and God's plan for him. Please lift him up in prayer today and the days to come as we learn and share more details about the situation with his mysterious neck injury. He is an extremely active young man with a love for all sports, especially football and baseball. Riley recently celebrated his 9th birthday and has a heart of gold. Just a couple weeks ago he was sharing with me how excited he was that the boys won their VBS battle with the girls over who could raise more money for the missionaries to share with people all over the world about Jesus. He and his sister Reese along with my sister and brother-in-law have instilled in our kids that dinner does not start until after we have said the prayer together holding hands- even our little KK who is 2yrs old reaches out her hands and shouts A-men when it's all finished. The kids lead the prayer and it's been instrumental in teaching them to grow their very own faith and relationship with Jesus. My sister, April was my rock and constant supporter while our family was going through everything with Adam last year and I am determined to be there for her in every way now.

Even at this hour we are waiting on the first available time for a CATscan appointment today. All we really know is that the location of the fracture in his neck is of grave concern and more information is needed to plan surgical options. As a mother of two very active and physical boys I have been thanking God over and over that this was caught now as it appears as something as simple as turning his head with the swing of a bat could result in life threatening injuries- wrestling, rough housing and doing things that all nine year old boys do withstanding- right now it's like walking on egg shells while waiting, waiting, waiting to learn more.

While we wait, we will be praying and would be eternally grateful for those of you who could also join us in praying for Riley today. Thank you so much and I will be sure to share any news we get as it comes.

xoxo- We love you Riley!




In writing this, I thought that I would also share my devotional today about staying calmly conscious in Jesus- knowing that He goes before us, preparing the way. I think the timing and reflection of these verses could not have been better. These will be repeated in my prayers throughout today :)

Psalm 23: 1-4
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me: Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.


2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.


Here are some more pictures of Riley and his family along with our Georgia crew of cousins...

Riley's amazing family- always having a good time outdoors!

The cousins at Easter (missing Ace, Maddox, Colby & Olivia)

And... Riley just being Riley :)

Easter 2012

What a day to celebrate all the wonderful gifts in our lives- the most of which is Jesus! Combine that with a house full of joyous children (and baskets of candy!) and you're sure to have a full day of excitement!

In addition to the traditional candy and sweets, we like to make sure the kids get something special to add to their learning about Jesus. We are looking forward to incorporating this into our morning routine :)



We gathered for an early dinner at the Lake and the kids enjoyed hunting eggs (several times). The day could not have been more perfect- soft clouds, warm sunshine and a peaceful breeze that kept the trees swaying all afternoon.

A highlight of the hunt was checking on the baby birds who are growing quickly in a hanging plant on the front porch. And we certainly had a super cute crew to do the honor of rounding up all those hidden eggs :)

Round #2 of the Egg Hunt...

Micheli was just too cute in her simple little dress. The new shoes from Aunt April definitely made her day. She had an extra dose of sass in her strut while hunting eggs.

Our family :) Sooo, sooo, sooo unbelievably thankful and blessed!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

Praying for Adam {By The Grace of God}

I can't believe over a week has passed since we have been at Duke. It feels like months. Time passes slowly but that also allows for some peaceful reflection amid all the chaos of life right now. It seems like each day brought it's own unique challenges as well as huge victories. Through it all we had the constant loving support of family, friends (some who were able to be here with us and others who lifted us up and prayer and stayed updated online and through texts) and the unshakable peace of God.

Every day Adam makes unbelievable progress- and that's not an overstatement for me to just feel good inside. We hear the physical therapists talking amongst themselves at how much progress he is making everyday and what a wonderful spirit he has. Adam is not only determined to work hard at physical rehabilitation but also to treat everyone as he would like to be treated- his attitude is infectious. He is quickly becoming every one's favorite patient.

As I type this update, Adam is sleeping in a chair beside me and looking at him- so peaceful and rested- a much different image than only a week ago. We have been through so much, but I would honestly not change a thing because it has brought us face to face with God and shown us first hand his limitless power and mercy. It is only by the grace of God that I made it through this last week with a peace that as the verse says below transcends all understanding. That's not to say that I did not have my moments of weakness and fear, but thankfully I was surrounded by so many reminders of God's love and presence that those moments were short.

I can not thank everyone enough- all of you who prayed for us and cheered Adam on. Our friends, neighbors, family, strangers...my sisters, brothers, parents (direct and in-laws) all rallied around us and constantly were there for us. We have lived through the promise that all things work together for God's perfect plan and will keep that promise in our hearts with each step that Adam makes through recovery and in our everyday life in general.

Love to you all and God Bless!!!

Jesus Calling

Early on into our Journey into the world of brain tumors, gliomas and neurosurgery a very dear friend sent us the devotional, Jesus Calling. Somehow, each day have been exactly what we needed to read and what's even more amazing is that it is written in a tone as if Jesus himself is speaking directly to you.

Today's Dec. 12th devotion clearly put it..."I am taking care of you". That's what I need to get through the day.

Supported by the familiar readings of Romans 8:28, Job 42:1-3, and 1 Peter 5:7 and 2 Corinthians 5:7

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Job 42:1-3

Then Job replied to the LORD:

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we live by faith, not by sight.

Praying For Adam {Welcome to Duke}

Reflecting on the long day we had ad Duke. The simple description can be summed up easily with just a few well know words...welcomed like family! Each and every staff we encountered not only loved their job (we could see it on their face) but were all genuinely interested in Adam and how he came to be at Duke and what would be happening over the next few days.

We were even more blessed when we met Del and his wife Kate at admissions and quickly found out that Del was going to be having a similar procedure with Dr. Friedman and was scheduled right before Adam on Monday morning.

We closed the night with a late night buzz cut for Del, who was very grateful that Jeremy just happened to have his trimmer with him (alas....SWAT is always prepared for anything!)

We continue to me amazed and humbled throughout this journey and are ever so thankful for the nice surprises and blessings along the way like Del and his family- whose faith, like ours has forever been infused with even more purpose than we ever thought we were capable of our selves...but really, it's not our strength...but HIS!!!

xoxo and we appreciate all the prayers and notes of love that continually comes our way- please include Del in your thoughts as well when you think and pray for Adam tomorrow. Del's day will start at 6am with an MRI followed by surgery and Adam's will start at 7am with an MRI followed by surgery after Dr. Friedman has completed Del's surgery.

ps... the little globes all over their heads will be used kind of like a sophisticated GPS brain mapping system for the doctors while they are in surgery...very cool!