Wow, It's been a while!

I can hardly believe how long it has been since I blogged- it's honestly embarrassing! I would be lying if I said I have not missed it. Not because what I have to say holds any significant value, but it's nice to have an outlet of creative expression and ultimately my heart is to encourage others. Alas, life just gets crazy sometimes and certain things have to be set aside to focus on the most precious and important things.

Writing is a huge outlet for me and one that I have forsaken over the past years to just keep my head above water with everything going on. I made myself a promise that this year I would get back into the swing of things. We are in such a good place with our family and the time is right to share many of the changes and life lessons that we have encountered over the years- I am so darn excited to even begin with this simple post!

Thank you all to our family and friends who have prayed for our family- who continue to support us in such a wonderful way and also to all my clients who kept me busy- we LOVE you!

Hudson will be 10 (TEN!) this year and our youngest will be turning one year old soon! I blinked and KK all of the sudden was in Pre-K and Noah sprang into such a sweet (almost) 8 year old! Adam's recovery continues to make extremely positive strides and I have found amazing peace in the balance of being a wife, mother and small business owner. Learning to embrace the seasons of life that God places us in and that it's ok to let go of the things that are weighing us down has been SO incredible. It may sound silly but I think I know what it feels like to finally "grow up"- to be confident and comfortable in my own skin ;)


xoxo and please stay tuned for so much more to come!

...and because all posts are better with a picture- here's one of my all time faves of our 4 kiddos :)

One In a Million!

I am sure you have heard of it- it's one of the leading household products that "live in the basements, garages and under the sinks of America and around the world". It has over 2,000 documented uses and counting...

But, perhaps what you did not know is what an unbelievably value centered and family-oriented company that it is. Not to mention it's made up of some of the most genuinely thoughtful employees on the face of this earth! Our personal connection with WD-40 began when Hudson (our oldest) was just a newborn. It's staggering to see where this past nearly eight years has brought us! From day one we were welcomed with open arms and Adam was taken under the wing of so many great mentors.

After two children, moving out of state,  the life changing discovery of Adam's brain tumor and subsequent surgery, they are family to us! Through everything we have been through these past couple of years I can not even imagine how different it could have been without the love and support of our WD-40 family!

Over the years, Adam has enjoyed working on so many great campaigns with WD-40, especially the ones that are extremely close to his heart like the military tributes and limited edition cans. His Dad served in the US Navy and that means so very much to Adam and our family. But, little did we know that a very special group of angels were working on a campaign of their very own just for Adam!

Many of you have been with us every step of the way and lifted us up in prayers, sent cards,  encouraging words and so much more. All through Adam's diagnosis, research, surgery and recovery we have tried our best to keep everyone updated on his progress- which is still going amazingly well, by the way :)

The latest development in his physical therapy opened a door to discovering a very unique device that could completely change Adam's daily life and awaken nerves in his arm, wrist and hand that he hasn't been able to get complete communication with for nearly a year and a half of therapy. Immediately we began praying, researching further and communicating with the company (Bioness) and our insurance. The track record of the device was mind blowing (and so was the $7,000+ price tag). But, soon it became all Adam talked about.  We all thought "YES!!! Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

But, unfortunately, there were road blocks with the insurance- it's such a new technology that it is still considered "experimental" and as such, our insurance doesn't cover it, not even partially- Now, believe me we are certainly pushing back with letters from Adam's doctors, therapists, etc. but had also ultimately came to a decision that no matter what we would get him that device, regardless on whether the insurance covered some or not a single penny of the expense. He is worth it and so much more!

At that, we both began praying about our finances- cutting out where we could, saving here and there, I print coupons like crazy and started earmarking any photography sessions and orders that came in specifically for Adam's new arm device. God is unbelievably faithful and we started making progress towards our goals. Adam, always the negotiator began negotiating terms and a purchase price for a used (refurbished) Bioness unit while we were also pushing every available option for an exception for at least partial coverage with insurance. We were covering every angle.

And then, out of the blue we receive a card in the mail from a group of Adam's co-workers at WD-40, who had taken up a collection for him to be able to purchase the Bioness unit- and not just a re-furbished one, but a brand spanking new unit all to his own!!!! And they didn't stop there- they even did their own negotiating with Bioness and got them down another $700 on the price of a new unit.

When Adam told me, I was speechless, stunned and completely humbled to see such pure generosity!!! I cried. I still sit quietly and try to wrap my mind around it, knowing that Adam will have more use of his left hand soon. I can't wait to see him doing more of the things he loves again in more of a comfortable routine- cooking, playing ball with the kids, golf...basketball, and maybe even one day soon running again!

I am still in awe of how God can work so delicately and perfectly when we just completely surrender to His will. I am so unbelievably thankful for such a precious company like WD-40 and even more so for the friends there who love us like family. I could never ever express in words just how much this wonderful blessing means to our family- and to Adam.

Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart. We love you all so very, very much!!! You are all one in a million and are such an example of true compassion, generosity and love! To everyone in California and beyond who contributed in each and every way- big and small. Please know that there is a family in Georgia whose lives you have completely changed forever and are soooooooooooo thankful for you!!!! WD-40 has ultimately added a few more uses to their list of unlimited uses- inspiring hope, loving like family and paying it forward.

xoxo,
The Browns

...and, I thought this verse was absolutely perfect on the heels of this wonderful blessing- thank you for lifting us up!!!

Something Special about 12-12-12

Today's date is all the rage today...12-12-12 In itself it is pretty special- it does only happen once in a millennia you know. But, there's another reason it's VERY special- one that will always be with us and worth celebrating year after year.

One year ago today I sat in a family waiting area at Duke University Hospital in Durham, as Adam was undergoing brain surgery. Clutching onto my extremely worn collection of bible verses to pray as we waited. Surrounded by family and friends that could be there with us- and definitely feeling the thoughts and prayers of many who could not, I felt at peace and knew God was in control. And to be completely honest that in itself was a miracle. I had been so full of fear, doubt and worry every since Adam made the decision to go ahead with surgery. I can not put into words what it really feels like to have God lift that burden off your shoulders- I am still in awe!

The surgery overall was much more successful than the doctors had anticipated- they removed a significant amount more of the tumor than they thought would be possible. But, that came at a cost. Adam woke without the use of his left side and from what was to originally be two days of recovery in the hospital turned into well over 10 days followed by another month + of inpatient rehabilitation therapy. We celebrated Christmas last year in the small family apartment at North Georgia Medical Center- though it was phenomenal and every bit as special for us all to be together, it was not home.

This year we are home for Christmas and the joy in my heart is overwhelming. In this past year Adam has grown stronger in every sense of the word. He came home in a wheelchair with very limited movement in his left arm, hand and fingers...and with very little strength in his legs. His left leg could barely stand for more than 5 minutes without shaking from exertion. Nearly one month to the day- Adam had his wheelchair waiting on the front porch for the rental company to pick back up.

It's that spirit of determination that he has carried every day since and his physical strength has made steady progress. He can now walk with an almost unnoticeable limp, chase the kids (thought it's not a pretty site- ha!), wrap his arms around me for a hug and every now and then dance with me when no one is watching (but, you can't tell him I told you that). He even recently beat my little sister in an arm wrestling contest! He consistently impresses his therapists with his progress and loves to show off his new tricks. I have no doubt that he will only continue to gain more control and mobility.

And even if he doesn't that's ok. Our marriage and friendship is stronger because of this and we are still in awe of the rally of support our family received from family, friends, loved ones and perfect strangers throughout this past year.  Our faith is stronger than ever and we feel so grateful to have experienced this with knowing God was and IS carrying us through- we welcome the opportunity to share what God is doing in our lives and live with a much clearer vision of the bigger picture and of what life is truly all about. Clearly, God has a plan for him no matter what (and we are just along for the journey).

We are sooooooo very happy and thankful for our love, family, health, innumerable blessings and to be able to celebrate a year of successful recovery- and especially to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus at home this year!

Thank you all for your prayers for our family over this past year, you really made a difference with each word lifted up! And thank you also to those who continue to pray for us and Adam's continued recovery- it is truly amazing to see how very far he has come!

xoxo :)

Below is our year in review via Instagram (this I have to thank my good friend Lan Bui who encouraged me to document this time for Adam- no matter how much I did not want to). He was definitely right, how awesome it is to look back and see how far he has come! Thanks Lan ;)

Praying for Adam {By The Grace of God}

I can't believe over a week has passed since we have been at Duke. It feels like months. Time passes slowly but that also allows for some peaceful reflection amid all the chaos of life right now. It seems like each day brought it's own unique challenges as well as huge victories. Through it all we had the constant loving support of family, friends (some who were able to be here with us and others who lifted us up and prayer and stayed updated online and through texts) and the unshakable peace of God.

Every day Adam makes unbelievable progress- and that's not an overstatement for me to just feel good inside. We hear the physical therapists talking amongst themselves at how much progress he is making everyday and what a wonderful spirit he has. Adam is not only determined to work hard at physical rehabilitation but also to treat everyone as he would like to be treated- his attitude is infectious. He is quickly becoming every one's favorite patient.

As I type this update, Adam is sleeping in a chair beside me and looking at him- so peaceful and rested- a much different image than only a week ago. We have been through so much, but I would honestly not change a thing because it has brought us face to face with God and shown us first hand his limitless power and mercy. It is only by the grace of God that I made it through this last week with a peace that as the verse says below transcends all understanding. That's not to say that I did not have my moments of weakness and fear, but thankfully I was surrounded by so many reminders of God's love and presence that those moments were short.

I can not thank everyone enough- all of you who prayed for us and cheered Adam on. Our friends, neighbors, family, strangers...my sisters, brothers, parents (direct and in-laws) all rallied around us and constantly were there for us. We have lived through the promise that all things work together for God's perfect plan and will keep that promise in our hearts with each step that Adam makes through recovery and in our everyday life in general.

Love to you all and God Bless!!!

Mommy Mondays {Still at Duke}

This one will be a quick one, I am saving up for tomorrow's post for Adam. We are all doing well and it has been an unbelievable relief to have the kids here. Not having planned on being here this long it was a bit of a shock to actually realize amidst all the craziness going on how much I didn't realize I missed their hugs and kisses- and they missed and needed mine.

It's amazing the rejuvenation of energy and strength that is contained in their hugs, kisses and smiles!

Jesus Calling

Early on into our Journey into the world of brain tumors, gliomas and neurosurgery a very dear friend sent us the devotional, Jesus Calling. Somehow, each day have been exactly what we needed to read and what's even more amazing is that it is written in a tone as if Jesus himself is speaking directly to you.

Today's Dec. 12th devotion clearly put it..."I am taking care of you". That's what I need to get through the day.

Supported by the familiar readings of Romans 8:28, Job 42:1-3, and 1 Peter 5:7 and 2 Corinthians 5:7

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Job 42:1-3

Then Job replied to the LORD:

“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we live by faith, not by sight.

Praying For Adam {Welcome to Duke}

Reflecting on the long day we had ad Duke. The simple description can be summed up easily with just a few well know words...welcomed like family! Each and every staff we encountered not only loved their job (we could see it on their face) but were all genuinely interested in Adam and how he came to be at Duke and what would be happening over the next few days.

We were even more blessed when we met Del and his wife Kate at admissions and quickly found out that Del was going to be having a similar procedure with Dr. Friedman and was scheduled right before Adam on Monday morning.

We closed the night with a late night buzz cut for Del, who was very grateful that Jeremy just happened to have his trimmer with him (alas....SWAT is always prepared for anything!)

We continue to me amazed and humbled throughout this journey and are ever so thankful for the nice surprises and blessings along the way like Del and his family- whose faith, like ours has forever been infused with even more purpose than we ever thought we were capable of our selves...but really, it's not our strength...but HIS!!!

xoxo and we appreciate all the prayers and notes of love that continually comes our way- please include Del in your thoughts as well when you think and pray for Adam tomorrow. Del's day will start at 6am with an MRI followed by surgery and Adam's will start at 7am with an MRI followed by surgery after Dr. Friedman has completed Del's surgery.

ps... the little globes all over their heads will be used kind of like a sophisticated GPS brain mapping system for the doctors while they are in surgery...very cool!

Praying for Adam {We are Ready}

We have arrived. Adam is all settled in watching football and very excited about his new iv (not!). At least we enjoyed a nice sushi lunch in the cafeteria before all the real hospital stuff began. I can not say how thankful I am that this moment has finally come but with that the anxiety over the next hours and days will definitely keep the butterflies very busy in my stomach.

We have an a army of support full of faithful prayer warriors at our side and led by none other than God himself with his had upon us as we continue to march forward.

Tomorrow morning will begin with an MRI at 7am and surgery is expected to approximately begin between 11-12ish. The average length of surgery is between 3-4 hours and once it is over Adam will recover in ICU overnight.

Jeremy arrived this afternoon with combat boots, his camping gear and a stash of twizzlers, chocolate and diet coke. Adam and him have kicked me out and decided I have to go back to the hotel for the best night's sleep and Jer will stay with Adam. The icing on the cake though was the special dinner Jeremy arranged with a bag of all Adam's faves from The Outback- steak, cheese fries, salad and bread :)

In all, we are doing well and love the staff here. We are really looking forward to tomorrow and then for the real healing to begin! Much love to you all and we will definitely keep the updates coming as quickly and consistently as possible.

But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth.

-2 Timothy 4:17

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"
-Hebrews 11:1

Verses of Encouragement

These verses have been such a source of strength and encouragement and I thought that it would be nice to share with everyone :)

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the LORD, who has mercy on you. –Isaiah 54:10

Let us hold on to the hope we say we have and not be changed. We can trust God that He will do what He promised. –Hebrews 10:23

Hear my prayer, O Lord. Listen when I ask for help. Answer me because You are faithful and right. –Psalm 143:1

But I will not take my loving-kindness from him. I will always be faithful to him. –Psalm 89:33

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, 
 your faithfulness to the skies.-Psalm 36:5

He is the Rock, his works are perfect, 
 and all his ways are just. 
A faithful God who does no wrong, Upright and just is he. –Deuteronomy 32:4

For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon you or destroy you or forget the solemn covenant he made with your ancestors. -Deuteronomy 4:31

And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive. –Mathew 18:18

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. –Romans 4:16

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
- Ephesians 6:10-13

And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. –James 4:7

And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace." –Luke 8:48

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 21:1

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. –Psalm 23:4

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7

The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him. –Exodus 15:2

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. –Psalm 28:7

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. –Psalm 56:3

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; -Proverbs 3:5

Jesus Said "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. –John 14:1

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding. 
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. –Proverbs 3:5-6


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you". Jeremiah 29: 11-12

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." -2 Corinthians 9:8

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"
-Hebrews 11:1

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. –Psalm 18:2

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. –Psalm 19:14

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. –Psalm 28:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. –Psalm 119:28

O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. -Isaiah 33:2

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. –Isaiah 40:31

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. –Isaiah 58:11

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. –Mark 12:30

To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." –Mark 12:33

But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. -2 Timothy 4:17

Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. –Psalm 37:3-4

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. –Mathew 7:7

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. –Proverbs 3:5-6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. –James 1:5

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. –Proverbs 16:3

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. -1 Peter 5:7

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. –Psalm 55:22

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delights in his way. Though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the LORD holds him with his hand. –Psalm 37:23-24

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; And confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands. –Psalm 90:17

Lord, you will give us peace: for all our works are the outcome of your purpose. –Isaiah 26:12

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
-Isaiah 26:3

Mommy Mondays {Surgery Scheduled}

It's been a few weeks since our last update for Adam and there's been so much that has been going on- Thanksgiving was wonderful and a nice break out of the normal day to day reality. Christmas lights shine bright outside, the tree is up and stockings hang on the mantle. Now we stand just one week out from Adam's surgery at Duke.

After speaking to 5 neurosurgeons, 3 of the 5 had the confidence in surgery. Adam has decided to go to Duke and have the surgery on December 12th. We will arrive early for all the pre-op procedures and most likely be there the remainder of the week. The overall recovery time is estimated between 6-8 weeks. So hopefully we will have a very relaxing Christmas and New Years.

We are so thankful for the constant encouragement and peace God lays on our hearts and sends our way through family and friends. Looking back through the stages of fear, overwhelming emotion, and the bitter education on something that I wished with every part of me was not a part of our lives I see all along God's gentle hand leading us to hope.

Despite the thousands of surgeon options around the nation one had always stuck out to us and from day one impressed Adam and I with their response time, kindness, commitment and compassion. Through appointments and even our week away for surgery lining up care for the kids has been easy, with so many willing and eager to help in any way. Each day was like a roller coaster of emotions- some good days, some bad days. And without fail it seemed the bad days were limited to only a few frail hours of worry and fear because God would find a way through our devotions, bible verses, a note from a friend or text from family to remind us that He IS with us. It's so humbling to feel so powerless in the eye of the storm but so unbelievably peaceful when we remind ourselves who is carrying us through.

Here's just a few verses from our ever growing collection that I have found constant relief from. Over these past few months I have truly learned the powerful meaning behind the declaration of Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Purely and simply because it IS NOT by my own strength.

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. - Psalm 119:28

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. - Romans 4:16

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Thank you again to everyone who has been and is continuing to pray. We will continue to share updates and would love for you all to band together with us on Monday the 12th and the week that follows Adam's surgery. We are praying for a smooth surgery, wisdom and clarity for the surgeons and rest and healing for Adam.

Mommy Mondays {Inspiration}

This weekend we picked up the new Mercy Me album. From our days of youth summer camp with our church we have LOVED Mercy Me!!! Adam and I both count it one of our many blessings to have had the pleasure to sing praise and worship music along with the band so long before they found wonderful success sharing their gift or worship music. Those summers are still so fresh in my mind and are certainly some of my best memories!

One of their songs stands out amongst our many, may favorites and has become somewhat of an anthem for us, below are the lyrics and a link to their website. Thank you Mercy Me for following God's plan for your lives and trusting Him... this is such a spot on reminder of our purpose and source of strength!

IN CHRIST ALONE

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fieriest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are still, when striving cease!

My comforter, my all in all, Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone!

Who took on flesh, fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on the cross as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied.

For every sin on Him was laid.

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay.

Light of the world, by darkness slain.

Then bursting forth in glorious day,

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sins curse has lost it’s grip on me.

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ…

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me.

From life’s first cry to final breathe

Jesus commands my destiny…

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

Mercy Me

Album: The Worship Sessions

Blessings from Strangers

It's amazing how much a few words can lift your spirits and be a wonderful reminder of the bigger picture. No matter how strong you are, how surrounded you are with love and support or how determined you are to remain positive and faithful at all costs there can be those tiny little dreadful thoughts and fears that creep in from time to time that if it were not for the perfect timing of God working through others may just claim victory for the most brief of moments.

I've had those moments, sometimes even several times a day. But somehow every single time without fail God finds a way to lay his hand on my heart through the kids, friends, family, neighbors and even perfect strangers! Over the last several days we have consistently received cards from across U.S. with prayers, encouragement and friendly words that make us smile.

Adam and I are both so humbled and thankful for everyone who has taken the time to reach out to us- in cards, emails, texts, phone calls, facebook and twitter. It's amazing how small the world has become with technology.

Thank you all- we love and appreciate you so very, very much- more than you may ever know!

xoxo :)

Mommy Mondays {Answered Prayers}

Today we are preparing for the next steps in our journey together for Adam's treatment. We have been researching and finding out more and more (so much more than I care to know) about brain tumors. Many of you have been praying along with us for strength and guidance and we thank you! We are continually receiving both :)

After our last appointment with the local neurosurgeon we sent out several copies of Adam's scans and doctors notes to neurosurgeons at Duke, Emory and MD Anderson. Even though Emory is the closest we did not want to rule out other plans God may have for us even if it meant traveling a bit- as long as it was a Doctor of His choosing.

This week we get to meet with the surgeons at Duke (and hopefully Emory soon after). and our local neurosurgeon is having a conference call with the surgeons from MD Anderson. So, there's a lot to be thankful for!

When we began research there was not a big clear sign or direction, just a sea of links, websites, hospital and surgeon reviews that spanned the whole United States and beyond. To have a clear path to three of the top surgeons who are all within the top one percent of their specialty fields (glioma brain tumors) is a huge answer to prayer and an even bigger reminder of who is ultimately in control.

Adam has a wonderfully strong feeling and peace already towards Duke so we are very, very excited to meet with them this week. Please continue to pray for Adam and God's guidance in the many decisions that will come as well as us finding the surgeon that He has for us.

In closing I would like to share a verse that a dear friend sent us that is a wonderful reminder for us everyday to find strength and encouragement in Him! Adam and I have both been so appreciative of the numerous words of encouragement that we receive daily from those who are thinking about and praying for us. Through texts, emails, messages, calls, comments and facebook it is clear that God is using so many of you to rally around us as an ever constant reminder of His love for us...He is with us in every step of the way!

2 Corinthians1:3-4 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Thank you all and hope you have a GREAT week :)

xoxo

Praying For Adam {The Next Steps}

Today we had our consultation with the Neurosurgeon and though we did not receive a complete comprehensive plan to proceed we certainly are learning more than we ever imagined (or ever cared to know) about the glioma family of brain tumors.

I thought that everyone would like to hear a little bit from Adam himself on this so, here it is straight from the source :)

As you all know Sunday Sept 25th I had a seizure. Proper procedure for a first time seizure is to run tests (MRI and CTscan)...both which revealed a low-grade mass on the right side of my brain which is called a glioma tumor. I had a follow up appt today and below is what we discussed.

I spoke with the neurologist today and right off the bat he referred me to Duke University Medical Center or MD Anderson (Houston, TX) as they have the top rated Glioma Tumor specialist.
(and Emory University Hospital in Atlanta.)

A little background on the type of tumor I have…

These types of tumors originate from glial cells in the brain (which begin to grow abnormally). We looked at the scans and although it is low-grade it looks pretty big in size (in my opinion) 6.3 cm. There were two shades in the scans which makes doing a successful biopsy to get a read difficult. Since these originate from glial cells sometimes even when a biopsy is taken it may not get the right tissue which could be difficult to reveal cancer vs. non cancer. However, cancerous vs. non-cancer didn’t seem to be his main concern (which I take as a good sign) as glioma tumors are not necessarily defined in that category from the beginning. But that’s not to say it isn’t cancerous, so I still want to do a biopsy once I consult with the other specialist and get their take on the treatment plans.

Couple things, it has been there for a while (he stated years, although he cannot pinpoint exactly how long…his guess 2-4?). The fact that it is low-grade is positive and it doesn’t seem to be intensifying, being on the right side is good as well. However I will eventually be faced with two options in his opinion depending on how aggressive both the doctors and I want to be.

Option 1. Surgery to remove...Surgery has several risks (1) remove the tumor, but there’s a possibility due to the size and the fact it originates from a glial cell there is a chance that after surgery it won’t all be removed (2) it could possibility come back over time (3) It could possibly affect my speech, motor skills and movement on the left side of my body which in turn affect my overall quality of life. (4) Its completely removed.

Option 2. Leave and monitor over time. The fact that I feel normal and haven’t experienced any effects other than the recent seizure is a good sign since I’ve been living with it for some time now. Question is how long before it intensifies and could turn to high-grade which has far worse implications.

We asked what is the timing of this type of tumor until it could possibly intensify…he mentioned on average 7 years. This doesn’t mean I only live for 7 years it means the time frame the glioma intensifies. The questions lies with where am I in this time frame from it going from low-grade to possibly high grade which has much more serious effects? This is hard to answer as we don’t exactly know how long it’s been there.

If I have surgery and the risk far our weigh the rewards then I could be faced with a decreased quality of life that could affect work and my everyday life and family. Whereas if we monitor over time there is a chance I could go who knows how long with the normal quality of life I am currently living. I asked him straight up what would he do in my situation and he responded, “At this age, I am the sole provider for my family, the risks of surgery and my ability to provide for them is important…I would take monitor approach”. I understand where he is coming from, as no matter what is happening to me, my family is more important and what I can do for them in the meantime. I could go another 10 years w/o complications or minor complications. Making sure my wife and kids are being taken care of is extremely important however my own health is as well. But as I mentioned surgery can have implications…then on the other hand surgery could solve the issue. It would be nice to know what I’m looking at in terms of which fork in the road I take…If I go one direction will it inevitably lead me to the same direction as the other choice?

But those are some things that will be answered with my next opinions and recommendations with the other doctors, so for know the next steps are sending my scans to MD Anderson, Duke University Medical Center & Emory University Hospital. They highly recommended Duke. So once I hear back from them I’ll get a better idea on what I’m looking at as far as treatment and where I should go. The best treatment I can receive in the meantime is your prayers and positive thoughts, because it’s out of my hands as well as the doctors. One way or the other the greatest doctor known to man will make sure I receive the proper treatment and that’s the Lord Almighty!

I’ll continue to keep everyone posted. As I said I feel normal and fine, which I know to some of you isn’t really normal :P

We would really like to thank everyone for all their prayers and encouragement, you have no idea how much it means to us and how much of a difference it has already made in our lives. God Bless you all and please keep praying for Adam!

xoxo

Mommy Mondays {Walk By Faith}

I have been over and over in my head about writing this (...or not) and finally decided that it needs to be shared. Many of you may already know, many more are praying and hopefully many more will join us in praying. I apologize in advance for the extremely long post...

Any one who knows me knows one thing- I am an eternal optimist. But recently my perfect little world was shattered, blown to bits, more like a huge atomic bomb went off (and I was left walking through the smokey mess)...but at least I was walking!

Two Sundays ago I woke up to my husband, Adam, having (what I consider) a violent seizure and called 911. I was a mess. On one hand I had the 911 operator on speaker phone and frantically dialed my sister's cell phone in the other. I honestly do not know how much sense I was making- it was a blur and I described everything in broken fragments between sobbing as best I could- stroke was the only thing that came to my mind and all it's devastating results. Only by the grace of God was I able to calmly communicate with the kids that Daddy would be alright and to go in the playroom (and thank God they did without any question or hesitation).

Though I tried my best to catch Adam's attention or to calm him down, I was helpless until the seizure ended and he just rolled over and went into a deep sleep. I met the EMT at the door and took them upstairs. Thank goodness he woke up, though clearly confused it was the first time since the seizure he had clearly had control of his body. Then a new fear consumed me when they asked him how old he was... "I don't know" - followed by another wrong answer as to what day was it..."Tuesday?" he said. I could almost hear the angels singing though when the third question came- What year is it... I held my breath until he answered and then breathed the biggest sigh of relief when I heard it, "2011".

I had to wait for my sister (April) to arrive to take care of the kids so Adam went on with the ambulance. Later, I would find out that he did not remember a thing about Sunday morning except for waking up in the ambulance. I rode to the hospital with my brother in law (Ronald) and by the time we reached the ER we (non-doctors) had already diagnosed him with dehydration- phew, what a relief! This was an easy assumption because the entire night before Adam and the boys were all up pretty much every hour on the hour throwing up. We go through this virus at least once a year so it was pretty much just going through the motions until it ran it's course...but seizures had never been part of it's course.

It took everything I had not to suffocate Adam from one big endless hug when we walked into his room to see him smiling in a hospital gown. Slowly, I began thinking "thank goodness the worst is over" as they hooked him up to his second bag of IV fluids. A few minutes passed and they came to roll him back for a routine CTscan for seizure patients. Ronald and I talked more about the dehydration and how nice that was all it was. He explained more to me about seizures (from growing up with his Dad who had epilepsy).

It didn't seem like too much time passed before they were wheeling him back in. Ronald had stepped out to call my sister and get a plan together because she had decided that no matter what she was not going to let me stay up there by myself. We laughed at how Ronald was pumping himself up to go look after a brood of 5 kids (theirs + ours). About that time the ER doctor came back and updated us on everything that had been going on but had more information that pretty much not only caught us all off guard, left us completely speechless. It only took the few words of "we found what appears to be a mass on your brain" to send my fears spiraling again but I some how managed (in the very loose definition of the words) to maintain some composure. The next step would be an MRI on the recommendation of the neurosurgeon that had already looked over Adam's CTscan remotely. I was impressed with the speed and flow of information and how quickly the staff reacted and cared for Adam.

April arrived and Ronald headed home with all the kids by the time the nurses came to take Adam back for the MRI. As she wrote down phone numbers and names to call I just had to take a walk in the hallway and found a momentary escape around the corner in a small bathroom. Only for a moment I allowed myself to let go and cry, cry louder and then cry more. Knowing that more tears would come I did the best I could to wash up and prayed with all my heart. I walked back in the room to give Adam a hug and a kiss.

While Adam was in the MRI, April and I took a walk to the general waiting room. While she called, I texted (I just could not talk without breaking into tears again). I texted updates and could feel the prayers of everyone who was already praying for us. I remember just telling myself, we are in God's hands over and over again.

We were already in the room when they brought Adam back. The medication that they had given him to help prevent any further seizures was already settling in as his memory of earlier conversations became a little fuzzy. Though the one thing he could remember clearly was that he had a mass on his brain. Again, time passed quickly and it seemed like in no time the ER doctor was back to share the results of the MRI. He had already conferred with the neurosurgeon who again viewed the scans remotely and confirmed to us what they labeled as a low grade mass. We held on to every word- clinging to the positives "low grade", "front right of brain", "small", etc. We were informed that Adam would be admitted overnight and the neurosurgeon would be around to see us soon and discuss a little more.

That is where time slowed down. The minutes on the clock seemed not to progress much at all. In my mind, we were moving in slow motion- almost frozen in time. I was relieved that Adam found distraction by watching the Giants game on TV and checking his fantasy football team. That let me know that he was ok- frustrated a bit and yelling at the players on the TV, but to me that was peaceful.

By the time the neurosurgeon came I think we had both had all the news we could stand for the day. It seemed like I had been through every emotion humanly possible and I was exhausted. We both listened to the semi-scientific explanations. I was impressed with the doctor's patience with our questions and his calm voice. Again, I hung on to every positive word and let the others go in one ear and out the other...low grade, small, right side...followed by the information that I know God just needed us to hear- "it appears to have been there for a while and not a result of the seizure, the brain is not negatively reacting to it". In a summery he told us that we were in a very positive situation having discovered it in this manner and that there was no emergency action needed so scans and medications can be used to figure out what the next steps would be.

When we settled in Adam's new room in the tower (with a much bigger TV for watching football!) I started to google the term that the neurosurgeon had used but I could not remember it exactly so I typed what I could remember... it sounded like glaucoma (but of course I knew that was not it). So I typed in the search "brain gl"... and glioma quickly filled in the rest. I clicked one of the top links and got as far as a definition of "A glioma is a type of tumor..." then I closed the browser. I had enough for one day and was just going to let that sink in and hold onto all the positive information that we had received as long as I could.

I spent the night with Adam just so I could hear him breathing, the same as I did with all our children when they were newborns, I knew that if I just heard them breathing or wiggling around that they were ok. The next day went pretty quickly with the routine shift changes, blood drawing, medication and meal deliveries. Adam was in great spirits, felt normal and was ready to go home. We made it through the day with the stash of chocolate and snacks that Farise had brought us the day before and a nice morning Starbucks that April had brought us. I really do not know how the hours would have went without the thoughts, prayers and support of our family and friends- I am literally astounded and humbled at the amount of love they have for us. Though clearly not his favorite arrangement, that afternoon I drove us home (he can not drive for six months) and we have been adjusting to our new life ever since.

As a long story comes to a close, we are just beginning on a new journey for our family that while at first was extremely frightening we now appreciate our life and our family at an extremely different level. For that and so many other things I am thankful. When things like this happens you find yourself thinking about the worst possible scenarios- but we are glad that those fears have been replaced with hope for the future and appreciation for the present. Time spent together is so much more important now, even if it's just watching Monday night football together. The little things that may have caused an argument suddenly are not worth the time we give them to interrupt our day. Playing catch with the kids, a sweet kiss on the cheek, even washing the dishes I treasure each and every moment.

We have always been aware and acknowledged God's plan for our lives- we met in middle school, began dating in high school, married after college, started a family, started a business, moved into our first house and so much more with our fate in God's hands. So we will not take a step further without the same blind faith that we have always had. We are both extremely thankful for everything God has blessed us with and know without a shadow of a doubt He has a wonderful plan for us!

Jeremiah 29:11-12
‎"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you".

** Our first appointment with the neurosurgeon is on Thursday, we will continue to keep everyone updated and appreciate all your prayers and very kind words! Love you all :)